Home                                                                                                                                                                                 Go to Psychotherapy


Sex Addiction and Gay Men: When Too Much Sex Is Not Enough
by Robert Weiss


Editors note by Debbie Allen: Most of the articles written about sexual addiction focus on heterosexual couples. Robert Weiss very sensitively outlines the key sexual addiction issues for gay men provides some outstanding book recommendations and resources.

When asked several years ago to comment on a set of paparazzi photographs showing him engaged in a 3AM London park public-sex romp, singer George Michael’s immediate retort to the paparazzi at hand was, “Are you gay? No? Well then Fuck Off! Because this is my culture and you don’t understand it.” Unfortunately for Mr. Michaels, this angry response sounds a lot more like the denial of an underlying problem than the reality of life for most gay men today.

While it is true that anonymous, public sex, whether in the shower at the gym, online or a park restroom does provide some gay men with occasional distraction and titillation and also true that furtive, hidden sexual liaisons were endemic to earlier generations of closeted homosexuals, it is questionable whether a major entertainment figure with a previous public sex arrest history, a public long-term primary relationship and the need to avoid bad publicity, can legitimately reference “my gay culture” as the reason for his ongoing illegal sexual exploits. While it is not possible, nor fitting to say without professional evaluation whether or not Mr. Michael is a sex addict, his situation does provide an opportunity to consider how sexual gay men can deny the problem of sexual addiction while reviewing some of its’ warning signs.

Those concerned that the diagnosis of sexual addiction might be “sex negative” or worse, a condemnation of gay men, should note that 75-80% of men who currently seek sexual addiction treatment are heterosexual, the majority of those married with children. These men, whose lives have become caught up in long-held, compulsive patterns of online porn abuse, patronizing prostitutes and multiple affairs, typically seek help after a spouse has stumbled upon their sexual secrets or when their sexual activities have resulted in an arrest, job loss or other personal consequence.

Despite the fact that a greater percentage of gay men suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction and most likely sexual addiction as well, straight men are more likely to seek support for compulsive sexual behavior than gays. As gay male culture is more accepting of sexual promiscuity, it is easier for the gay sex addict to remain in denial about his problem. Without the right to marry and with fewer resources available toward developing healthy ‘families’, gay sex addicts experience fewer consequences for their compulsive sexuality, than straight men; making it less likely they will learn about the issue or their need to get help.

Sex addiction is primarily a men’s issue. Approximately 85% of those presenting for sexual addiction treatment are male, gay straight and bi-sexual men all do suffer from this problem. Some women do also ‘act out’ sexually, but they do so less frequently than men and usually in ways that cause them fewer overt consequences. Sex addiction, like gambling addiction, is a behavioral disorder that is ultimately more driven by anxiety and the person’s need to escape difficult emotional challenges than by orgasm or even the sexual act itself.

Gay sex addicts lose themselves in endless hours and days of searching online for porn and hook-ups or cruising steam rooms, adult bookstores and sex clubs, often spending more time and energy pursuing sex, then they do evolving healthy, intimate lives. While no one is saying that all gay men need to get ‘married’ or live in a way that mirrors the lives of heterosexuals, there are those gay men, and no one really knows how many- who utilize the intensity and emotional power of addictive sex to self-soothe, distract and emotionally medicate themselves in ways that may not even match their own belief systems or values and often bring them emotional, health, relationship and legal problems.

For those gay men who may have a problem with anonymous online hook-ups and porn, sex clubs, prostitutes and the like- or those whose spouses/mates/husbands who are less than pleased with their sexual behavior – the first step toward personal growth is to gain as much knowledge as possible about sexual addiction. A self-evaluation test can be found at www.sexualrecovery.com. Current books on the subject include this author’s, Cruise Control: Understanding Sexual Addiction in Gay Men and a chapter about sexual addiction in Joe Kort’s book, Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives. Both books are available online at www.amazon.com. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous ( www.sca-recovery.org ),is a national 12-step sexual addiction program that welcomes gay members, offers helpful support group meetings in many US cities and online. For a skilled therapist’s help, the non-profit organization SASH (The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health ( www.sash.net ) offers a national list of professionals trained in sexual addiction treatment.


Have a comment or question? Visit our Psychotherapy Forum to start or join a conversation.



About the Author

Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, is Founding Director of The Sexual Recovery Institute, Los Angeles and Director of Sexual Disorders Services at The Ranch Treatment Center in Nunnelly, Tennessee. A UCLA MSW graduate, Mr. Weiss received extensive post-graduate sexual disorder’s training with addiction author and clinical leader, Dr. Patrick Carnes. Mr. Weiss is author of Cybersex Exposed: Simple Fantasy to Obsession, author of Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men and co-author of the just released, Untangling the Web: Sex, Porn and Fantasy Addiction in the Internet Age, with Dr. Jennifer Schneider, along with numerous peer reviewed journal articles and book chapters.

Mr. Weiss also provides professional training and program development for the US military and multi-addiction treatment centers around the United States, Europe and Asia. Recent media appearances include ESPN, The Today Show, Oprah Winfrey, Larry King Live and Dateline NBC. In a field with few genuine experts, Mr. Weiss is a specialized, knowledgeable and recognizable provider in the field of intimacy, addiction and sexual disorders.

For more information about Robert Weiss visit www.RobertWeissmsw.com.




Add a Comment   
    Recent Comments
10-25-2016 03:49:21
chenlina20161025 uggs for men adidas shoes oakley sunglasses toms shoes hollister clothing michael kors canada louis vuitton handbags louis vuitton outlet cheap nfl jerseys coach outlet tiffany and co ray ban sunglasses tiffany and co scarpe hogan uggs canada ralph lauren outlet coach outlet canada goose jackets true religion jeans ray ban sunglasses nike outlet gucci handbags ugg boots canada goose outlet coach factory outlet coach factory outlet michael kors outlet rolex watches louis vuitton uk uggs on sale fitflops coach outlet ray ban sunglasses ray bans mont blanc pen the north face jackets cheap uggs gucci outlet louboutin shoes canada goose outlet ugg boots uggs outlet ray ban wayfarer canada goose outlet uggs sale ugg boots true religion jeans chanel bags washington wizards jerseys roshe run uggs australia christian louboutin paris pandora jewelry cincinnati bengals jerseys supra sneakers michael kors handbags michael kors outlet prada handbags designer handbags coach outlet store online adidas nmd shoes kate spade handbags nba jerseys the north face ralph lauren moncler paris coach bags clarisonic celine outlet coach outlet kate spade outlet coach outlet louis vuitton bags uggs on sale replica watches moncler jackets official michael kors outlet hollister kids new york knicks jerseys red bottom shoes louboutin shoes ugg boots louis vuitton outlet seattle seahawks jerseys pandora jewelry ugg boots uk coach canada canada goose outlet uggs pas cher uggs outlet coach outlet store online prada outlet tods shoes ugg boots louis vuitton handbags true religion outlet pandora jewelry ugg sale nhl jerseys coach outlet louis vuitton outlet ugg outlet mlb jerseys ugg sale louis vuitton handbags michael kors outlet nfl jerseys wholesale golden state warriors jerseys coach outlet store online clearances louis vuitton outlet new england patriots jerseys ugg australia nike roshe run michael kors outlet christian louboutin outlet sac longchamp asics running shoes michael kors outlet ray ban sunglasses uk nike air max 90 ugg outlet uggs for cheap mont blanc pens ugg boots ghd flat iron fitflops uk oakley sunglasses los angeles clippers jerseys adidas yeezy toms shoes louis vuitton christian louboutin pas cher denver broncos jerseys michael kors handbags uggs outlet cleveland cavaliers jerseys gucci outlet rolex watches abercrombie minnesota vikings jerseys michael kors outlet coach factory outlet ray ban sunglasses hollister outlet cheap toms shoes uggs toms shoes uggs outlet louis vuitton handbags adidas superstar fitflops ugg boots cheap uggs true religion jeans dallas mavericks jerseys louis vuitton outlet stores true religion uk uggs sale coach outlet ugg boots ugg outlet north face jackets uggs outlet vans shoes outlet gucci outlet timberland boots ugg boots uk louis vuitton outlet burberry outlet louis vuitton handbags coach outlet store online coach outlet michael kors outlet oakley sunglasses retro jordans adidas nmd canada goose outlet ugg boots oakley sunglasses coach factory outlet jordan retro uggs outlet louis vuitton outlet michael kors outlet chanel bags ralph lauren uk canada goose pandora jewelry air max sale michael kors handbags oklahoma city thunder jerseys timberland boots michael kors outlet uggs on sale miami heat jerseys nike trainers ralph lauren clearance louis vuitton handbags boston celtics jerseys ugg slippers ugg boots paris uggs uk basketball shoes gucci outlet fitflop sandals ralph lauren polo cheap jordans pittsburgh steelers jerseys coach factory outlet oakley sunglasses ray ban sunglasses true religion outlet coach outlet ugg boots clearance michael kors outlet michael kors outlet ugg boots moncler pas cher oakley sunglasses adidas trainers fitflop shoes adidas yeezy canada goose sale ugg outlet michael kors outlet ugg australia michael kors outlet hermes bags ray ban wayfarer louis vuitton outlet ugg boots toms shoes outlet louis vuitton louis vuitton handbags coach outlet louis vuitton outlet canada goose outlet michael kors outlet uggs sale nike roshe run oakley sunglasses michael kors bags adidas originals chicago bulls jerseys ugg boots on sale ugg boots michael kors handbags tommy hilfiger outlet replica watches mbt shoes ray ban sunglasses louis vuitton outlet cheap uggs ugg boots sale uggs for women louis vuitton coach outlet store online clearances coach outlet louis vuitton outlet ugg italia nike tn pas cher rolex watches coach outlet cheap ray ban sunglasses toms wedges ugg boots sale christian louboutin christian louboutin outlet ralph lauren polo outlet pandora jewelry kate spade outlet mont blanc pens for sale canada goose jackets ugg slippers clearance ralph lauren polo abercrombie and fitch christian louboutin shoes san antonio spurs jerseys polo ralph lauren ray ban sunglasses nike outlet store fitflops air jordan pas cher jordans for sale polo ralph lauren louis vuitton oakley sunglasses burberry outlet ray ban pas cher curry 3 coach outlet online ugg outlet adidas outlet louis vuitton tory burch outlet timberland outlet burberry outlet ed hardy clothing chaussures christian louboutin canada goose outlet christian louboutin uk cheap jordan shoes louis vuitton outlet uggs sale louis vuitton outlet ugg canada replica watches for sale ugg boots cheap jordan shoes cheap jordans christian louboutin sale louis vuitton outlet michael kors outlet clearance louis vuitton outlet louis vuitton outlet instyler curling iron ugg slippers louis vuitton outlet ray ban sunglasses louis vuitton paris louis vuitton outlet ugg outlet fitflops sale clearance ugg uk nike nfl jerseys oakley sunglasses christian louboutin outlet michael kors uk burberry outlet canada goose outlet michael kors outlet ugg boots gucci uk jordan femme canada goose jackets oakley sunglasses rolex watches uggs outlet adidas yeezy 350 ray ban sunglasses coach outlet seattle seahawks jerseys ugg uk adidas shoes juicy couture cheap oakley sunglasses christian louboutin shoes louis vuitton handbags cheap jordans uggs on sale moncler uk canada goose pas cher longchamp outlet ugg boots uk cheap air jordans louis vuitton outlet ugg sale ugg boots ray-ban sunglasses ugg outlet coach outlet nike air max pas cher beats by dre oakley store adidas trainers celine handbags michael kors outlet clearance toms sale mont blanc pens chenlina20161025
By :chenlina
09-24-2016 13:39:37

Toms Outlet Online

zapatilla adidas

New Balance Outlet

fitflop online kopen

timberland outlet

nike sb stefan janoski

Cheap Michael Kors

adidas outlet stores online

toms sale

Canada Goose Outlet

scarpe hogan outlet

reebok running shoes

vans shoe store

discount ray bans

abercrombie deutschland

ugg boots for women

cheap mbt shoes sale

sac givenchy

billige nike sko

new balance femme

ugg store

nfl store

Ugg boots Sale

nike sportschuhe

zapatillas running

official NHL jerseys

uggs for cheap

chaussure Nike femme

moncler outlet

scarpe running new balance

Timberland skor

womens nike air max

adidas site officiel

new yeezy shoes

huarache sneakers

newest lebron shoes

coach sac à main

moncler girls

retro jordans for cheap

adidas schoenen

nike sneakers

nike air max running shoes

Soccer Boots Outlet nike

pandora bracelet charms

Air Jordan Release Date

coach factory outlet online

tienda online abercrombie españa

fitflops sale uk

Jordan Schoenen

botas de futbol

outlet zapatos online

nike mercurial soccer cleats

asics sko

Jordan Sneakers For Sale

scarpe adidas online

adidas tienda online

louboutin heels

scarpe nike running

nike damenschuhe

ugg clearance

Nike Zapatos

Air Max 90

fendi pas cher

nike shoes

ray ban wayfarer eyeglasses

sac coach soldes

prada outlet

pandora jewelry store

nike joggesko

Ray Ban Outlet

nike chaussures

Korting sportschoenen

Nike Air Jordan 11

ugg outlet online

adidas outlet

chaussure basket homme

scarpe adidas donna

sandalias birkenstock

Chaussure Nike Pas Cher

new balance sito ufficiale

michael kors väska rea

sac a main michael kors

Billiga Nike Air Max

Moncler Outlet Online

cheap uggs for women

cheap uggs

moncler jacket sale

polo ralph lauren pas cher

cheap nike air max

Miu Miu bags online

toms shoes outlet

scarpe nike

adidas kläder

cheap air max outlet

Lebron 13

ropa abercrombie

air max pas cher femme

outlet prada online

moncler coats for women

Nike Store

ugg boots outlet online

nike jordan shoes

zapatos de futbol nike

Jordan Store

nike air

tru religion jeans

nike tn pas cher

abercrombie and fitch store

23 is back

christian louboutin outlet

ugg factory outlet

pandora beads

hyperdunk 2014

chaussures de foot pas cher

burberry schal

ray ban sale

Ray ban sale online

religion store

converse store

pandora charm bracelet sale

charms pandora pas cher

oakley sunglasses clearance

michael kors handbags on sale

burberry sac pas cher

goedkope nike air max

oakley outlet

portafoglio michael kors

Air Jordan News

new balance sportschuhe

adidas shoenen

Adidas schuhe

nike sportschuhe damen

nike schuhe günstig

adidas store

ugg boots classic

Toms Shoes For Women

nike air schuhe herren

zapatillas nike baratas

burberry sac pas cher

adidas schuhe neu

chaussures nike pas cher

Coach Bags On Sale

Nike Online Store

mulberry väskor rea

air force one pas cher

nike skor outlet

chaussure Nike homme

new pandora charms

balenciaga borse

nike free

chaussure adidas pas cher

scarpe jordan

bambas adidas baratas

longchamp kaufen

adidas sneakers

Uomo Hogan

new jordan releases

uggs outlet

Moncler Sale

michael kors bags outlet

cheap christian louboutin

By :chxy
02-05-2016 14:21:59
It’s very easy to find out any topic on web as compared to textbooks, as I found this piece of writing at this web site. free followers on instagram
By :ElizabethGBaldwin



Spiritual & Healing Practices | Healthy Lifestyles | Community | Arts | Find Practitioners & Orgs | Forums
Our Store | Aldea Verde de Costa Rica | Submissions | Editors | Terms and Conditions | About Us / Contact Us


Disclaimer. Each category is under the supervision of dedicated editors who are passionate about their topic and believe that raising people's awareness is one way to make a difference in the world. You may or may not agree with all that is presented. Since respectful discourse is an excellent way to learn and grow, we welcome comments on articles and your participation on the Forums.

  © 2010-2016 Inspiring Change, LLC     REGISTER      LOGIN Web by MacDaddi | Developed by AWE