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Parenting with Astrology ~ Teaching Respect for Boundaries and Fairness
by Amy Herring

 


Tracy writes: My daughter Alice is 15 years old and is generally a good kid and an excellent student but she has problems respecting boundaries, except for when it comes to HER boundaries! For example, asking her sister to borrow an item of clothing when she's in a pinch and then not returning it for weeks or then helping herself to any other clothing she may want to wear...then refusing to allow her sister to borrow clothes in return because "she might stretch them out."

I know the obvious answer is that she's a teenager, but I really think it's more about personality as it predates the teen years. So I am wondering if there is anything you can tell us about our daughter regarding boundary issues, i.e., rules, possessions, limits, etc.



Amy Responds: The root of the issue stems from, as is often the case, the south node. The south node represents the kind of 'predisposition' we enter the world with, the natural behaviors and comfort zones that we seem to be born with, almost like we inherited them (from a previous life?). We often fall back on the norms of our south node behaviors because they are what we know, and the more we live and experience, typically the more well-rounded and self-aware we become to be able to see outside of our unconscious patterns.
 
Alice's south node lies in Taurus in the 8th house, and is closely conjunct her Sun. Taurus has a deep need for stability and security, and so it can tend to be very possessive of the things it owns, because it's naturally wanting to guard against change, especially because change can often mean a feeling of instability, as well as a feeling of loss for what one is letting go of during change. It goes beyond possessions and objects of course--there's simply a deep rooted instinct to stay put and avoid change in Alice, but it can often revolve around resources and 'stuff' because sometimes it's easier to control stuff than our own feelings of insecurity or what's happening in our lives.
 
We find the south node also in the 8th house, and one of its ancient names can be useful for getting us started with its meaning: the house of Other People's Resources (I'm not even making this up!) This house is often refer to in situations where we receive resources, often money, due to connections or relationships in our lives, such as inheritances or riches from marriage. But in everyday living, there is a desire to access what other people have as a form of security as well. It's clinched by the Taurus Sun - Alice entered this life with a very self-referencing point of view, which a strong Sun can bring: an attachment to one's own ego and experience. Sharing for her is focused on what she can gain for herself and often people with a strong 8th house tend to benefit more easily from the shelter that others can provide, rather than having to depend solely on themselves and their own resources for their survival.
 
What she's learning in this life is summarized in the north node's position: Scorpio 2nd house. As she grows into adulthood, she will (one assumes) start earning her own money which will help her recognize the value of things that she had to earn. At first, this is probably going to make her desire to capitalize off what she can get from other people even more - because it's a resource you don't have to 'work' for, so to speak - but eventually it will complete one part of the puzzle and help her see what she values and how she can earn it herself. Doing this will give her strength and empowerment that she doesn't get from dependence on others for her welfare. Giving her opportunities to learn the value of money or things that she earns with her own hands can be a start, although again, you may seem to see it 'backfire' at first.
 
The other part of this puzzle is wrapped up in an awareness and empathy of others. Her Venus and Moon are conjunct each other in Aries in the 7th house. The 7th house is the house of "the other" as in, learning to get along and share with others, trust others, and develop an empathy and awareness for their point of view.

Venus and the moon are often the most receptive parts of us, because Venus wants to feel connected to others, and the moon is the emotional, vulnerable part of us. They are in the 7th house, so she does have a desire to connect with others, but in Aries, she may tend to take more of a dominant role and experience inequality in relationships first. Relationships where she experiences someone else as dominant can be quite tumultuous for her, but they will also be important learning experiences in helping her to realize when boundaries have been over run (like, her own)!
 
One of the key statements you made is that she is disrespectful of others' boundaries but very aware of her own being invaded. Her south node in Taurus in the 8th house suggests she may have had prior life experiences of benefiting from others' but also of being tied to them or even feeling owned and restricted by those ties. To free herself and be her own person would also require her to lose what benefit she gains from those ties. But that's exactly a pivotal doorway she needs to walk through before she can start letting go of those behaviors, and it's represented by Uranus. Uranus is square her south and north nodes, which means it sort of hangs in the balance between the past and present. Uranus is our spark of rebellion, individuality and freedom. This is what you both experience when her boundaries (8th house) are invaded: she becomes indignant.
 
This indignance is a knee-jerk reaction and may be a useful place to address simultaneously with her learning the value of what she creates for herself. I'm sure this is something you may have already tried, but focusing on the indignance that she feels when she's invaded and turning that around to see how she invades others is the place to keep hammering at. The trick will be getting her to see something such as her dad going into her room to get his possession that she borrowed as the same issue as her borrowing things but not returning the favor.
 
The other thing to try is to make sure the individual boundaries in the family are as strong as hers. Does her sister continue to allow her borrow clothing even though it's not appreciated or returned? This can be a crucial piece of her seeing the problem, because she will experience the negative consequences of not being allowed to benefit from shared resources when no one will share with her (as a result of her inability to appreciate or return). You will need to walk the fine line between encouraging everyone in the family to be just as selfish as she can seem to be, which could just makes enemies out of everyone and the very healthy intention behind it.
 
This is going to be one not swiftly fixed, as you've seen so far, because it is a root issue for Alice, and the adult world will be far less forgiving than a family can be. The best place to start might be to gently nudge things toward more of what it would be like in the outside world and the natural consequences her behaviors might bring about there.
 
Hope this has helped and thanks for your question!
 
If you’ve got a question about your child that you’d like Amy to answer, send your questions any time to amy@heavenlytruth.com.

 

 

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About the Author

  
Amy Herring has been an astrologer since 1995 and graduated from Steven Forrest’s Evolutionary Astrology Apprenticeship
program. She has enjoyed serving on the board of the local astrological organization and speaking at local conferences. Amy’s articles have appeared in numerous astrological publications, including Dell Horoscope magazine. She currently writes a monthly column for Kiddiegrams.com. Her website, HeavenlyTruth.com, is a learning resource of classes, videos, and articles. Her book, Astrology of the Moon, is available from Llewellyn.

Would you like some input on how to understand and nurture your child in the most effective way for their unique needs? Amy offers readings for parents and children; find out more at her website.

Contact Amy at amy@heavenlytruth.com.   

Natal Reading with Amy Herring.   

Would you like some input on how to understand and nurture your child in the most effective way for their unique needs? Amy offers readings for parents and children; find out more at her website.

 

 

 

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